


How Garp showed his new gift

by JenniferWilson



Series: The Suzume Chronicles [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, Fashion Disaster, Gag Gifts, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5374622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferWilson/pseuds/JenniferWilson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and the events that led right up to this. Featuring eye-scarring fashion, makeshift tattoos and a serious discussion that is merely a front for Sengoku's frustration with the marines and the antagonism displayed between two with vast differences. Not to be taken seriously. Part of the One Piece Crack! series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Garp showed his new gift

"Ne ne, Issho-kun~" The teacher from hell says with all the guile that leads one to suspect there's probably going to be an onslaught of chaos and mass mayhem, "Let's have meat and sake and..."

"I thought it was supposed to be in commemoration of my promotion, not yours." Issho can't help but guffaw. "And I thought you disliked the fact that I was forcibly conscripted by Akainu." Suzume frowned, pursing up her lip.

"'If you can't get rid of the fire, make a bonfire out of it' a wise man once said-"

"Such a phrase does not exist-"

"Arara, why don't we make a bet out of it," and there is probably such a glint in his sensei's eye and he really can't bother to keep her in check.

"Head or tails?" He retrieves a coin from his back pocket. It's all cold and metallic, and he can feel the imprint of the Tenryuubito on it's head.

"Heads." He tosses the coin, and using the force he had applied to calculate its approximate trajectory, slams it on his palm.

"No fair!" His instructor groans as he uncovers it. "I know it exists." He raps his knuckle on his teacher's head, provoking an _Itai_ as she tosses it off and he can hear the scratching of skin against hair as his teacher rubs the bump on him.

"At least you've got the height for it." She says as she launches herself up in the air such that her head lies along the same height as his, even if her feet were hovering off the ground.

"Pft," A giggle escapes him, "You are just short, no question about it-"

"Admiral Issho!" The voice comes from somewhere behind him, and he turns to face the speaker.

"Former Fleet Admiral!" He can hear his teacher blow a raspberry.

"Sengoku-teme, how is retirement?" Most Marines would pronounce the now Inspector-General's name with respect, even if they disliked him. His teacher is not most people.

"Again with the name-calling, Suzume-baka!"

"Afro-head!"

"Nude maniac!" An idiot is the worst combatant to encounter, because he would bring you down to his level and beat you with experience. Instructor Suzume uses this in more than one confrontation, and Inspector General Sengoku is well aware that his intelligence is being lowered as he continues to speak with Garp's ex-wife.

"Bwahahaha!" Garp continues to laugh, unwilling to participate in the onslaught of insults that Suzume and Sengoku are engaged in. "Fujitora~ Why don't we head over to a bar while these two continue their fight?" Issho looks like he's willing to agree, but Sengoku wraps up his arguement by calling Suzume certain things that probably aren't fit to be written on paper and drags her over.

"We can go to that teahouse and discuss over some sake." And if Suzume is giving him an evil stare, he won't countenance the fact that he's being pushy about it.

After all, he's retired. There's no longer any shame in being dressed in a Hawaiian t-shirt and calling his fellow Marine all the names he won't use when he was Fleet Admiral.

* * *

"So Akainu had his face like a chipmunk, and he was like -'Instructor Suzume! Have you no shame!' And I was like 'Yeah, so what? You can't put a bounty on me visiting your new base anyway, so beat it!'" Suzume has no gall in saying so.

"Some day, he's going to blow a fuse, and it would be so funny to see the fall out." Garp laughs with his fellow retiree. "Anyway, did you see what my grandson did at Dressarosa?"

"How can I forget?" Issho says dryly, "I was there after all. He must be a kind boy."

"I don't know about that! He was like proclaiming that he was going to be a pirate, and that shitty red-head only made things even worse by saying things like 'Meet him once he's become a great pirate!'" Garp says, but he agrees with Issho because not many would become friends with Ace, let alone become brothers. Ace brings along emotional baggage that outstrips his son by a mile; even without his heritage Ace was not a person to easily befriend.

"I had also fought with the Chief of Staff of the Revolutionary Army." Issho comments, "He was a strong fighter, even without the help of Portgas D. Ace. Both of them were brothers?"

"Both of them were brothers?" Garp said in shock, "But that's not possible. Ace and Luffy and..." he paused, before bursting into laughter once again.

"Did I say something?" Issho wonders, but Garp is honestly too thrilled to care, because really? All his grandsons were alive, what's not to be happy about? He had mourned the blonde young noble when he received news of his death, but to be alive? That makes him so damned relieved.

"Sabo! It has to be." Sengoku stares at him.

"The Chief of Staff is also your grandson's brother?" But Garp was already snoring away, much to Sengoku's eternal disgust.

"Yup! A son of Roger, and the second-in-command of the Revolutionaries. My grandson's going to be so strong!" Suzume sings, "He's really good at making friends and allies out of people!"

"So Straw Hat is this kind of person, huh..." Issho comments, his lips pursed in thought. "What kind of face do you have? How do you treat those around you, to garner such friends, Straw Hat?" he thinks, as he hears the voices of proud grandparents.

When he returns to the conversation, they had already moved on to the events in Dressarosa proper.

"Issho, I did hear you thank Straw Hat after the battle?" Issho feels his cheeks turn red in embarrassment. He really didn't hear Sengoku coming up behind him, having been too focused on making sure that the rubble he had unleashed on the enemy ships didn't fall on allies. It's still inexplicable how Straw Hat had became a somewhat ally, despite the violence that had been unleashed on the two of the seven warlords of the sea and the beating the Marine's reputation had endured.

"Come on, Sengoku-teme, you can't exactly wrong him for that. The Marines were already placed in a terrible position by allowing the Shichibukai to create havoc on Dressarosa right? You can't exactly have the same situation you have in Alabasta by promoting Issho-kun, so we have to think of what we can do to resolve it."

"You should have apologised to Akainu; he will try to bring a court-martial on you." Sengoku warns.

"I still have my pride." Issho retorts. "We have rightfully lost the credibility and trust that the people have in us, therefore we have to make amends for it."

"However, your actions have also led to the Marines being less trustworthy than before. Now, members of the World Government would be unwilling to allow the Marines to handle their civil wars, and would instead turn to mercernaries and pirates" he spat out the word, "Breeding further distrust in the militia, even if they weren't Marines."

"I don't know about that, Sengoku," Suzume replied, "Many civil wars have been stopped due to the lack of arms coming from Doflamingo's distribution networks. Furthermore, the production of drugs through illegal channels have proved to be the downfall of many countries. By annihilating the Doflamingo family, Luffy's and Issho's actions may have been more beneficial for the welfare of individual members of the World Government after all.

"How has it become so serious?" Garp asks, "Wasn't this supposed to be a peaceful party." The other three unanimously ignored him.

"Even if you hadn't bring Luffy and Law into custody, you could have at least arrested the other members of the Straw Hat Grand Fleet!"

"That would have been impossible to do so, Inspector General Sengoku, seeing that the civilians were also heading towards the ships, and it would have been difficult to limit the casualties to members of the Straw Hat fleet alone!"

"You very well know that you have the authority to call the civilians back as a top member of the Marine Force. Even I could hear that the civilians were using themselves as shields to prevent us from arresting the Straw Hat."

"Are you saying that we should prioritise the lives of innocents just because the Marine's reputation carries more weight?"

"Zzz." Both stopped to turn towards Garp. The retired vice-admiral was-

"I can't believe this." Suzume poked Garp, scrunching up her nose, "How oblivious can you get?"

"If he hadn't shown this kind of behaviour since we were both fresh recruits, I would have attributed it to old age." Sengoku frowned, "Some reports mention that his grandson shows similar behaviour."

"Typical! He's just so blind to whatever shit that happens in his face." Suzume curses as she took out a black marker. "I mean, how much things can he do to make people hate him?"

"If Roger hadn't faced him so many times without winning, his eccentricities would have gotten him kicked out of the Marines."

"Wait a minute." Issho asked in startled disbelief, "Weren't you arguing?"

The two glanced at each other.

"Of course. We argue whenever we meet." Suzume answers tartly.

"If you weren't so stubborn, we probably would get along on better terms." Sengoku answered rudely, as he inspected the marker that Suzume took out.

"Do you think it would wash off?"

"After one or two washes, yeah. I'm shaming, not tattooing."

"Go for it." Suzume draws a mockery of Luffy's flag, before subsequently adding in a monocle and a bad imitation of Dragon the Revolutionary's facial markings, slitting Garp's eyes.

"Your artwork is horrible." Sengoku moans, as he adds his own addition of some reports from last Thursday's meetings, along with a seagull tattoo. Garp lets off a few snorts, before slowly stirring.

* * *

_"Has he no shame?!"_ Sengoku hisses after receiving the month's _Pirates Weekly_ that had been collected by Cipher Police. The main headline was broadcasting the terror of some of the Buggy Pirates upon encountering Garp. Besides the water resistant facial markings, Garp was sporting a handlebar mustache and some of the most eye-catching (neon pink! With lime green streaks) uniforms that Sengoku was ever unfortunate to clap his eyes upon.

"He absolutely can't be embarrassed at all." Bogard moans, as some of those formerly serving under Garp chuckled as they pinned the picture of their former commander horrifying some no-name pirates with his terrible fashion sense.

"Where did he get that tutu?" Sakazuki felt the need to slam his head against the table repeatedly. It had bright gold stars with seagull emblems for heaven's sake. What fully grown adult had the gall to wear such terrible material? And who designed such horrible attire in the first place, mocking the symbol of the marines?

"Shishishishi!" Luffy giggled as the cover page of Pirates Weekly was proudly framed and placed on the cabin wall. "I think Gramps really likes his birthday present. Mind you though, none of the crew members were willing to even countenance the thought of having that picture on the wall, which speaks volumes about how they thought about Luffy's well-intentioned gift.

"..." Dragon continued to inspect the cover picture critically. Ivankov cheerfully noted that while the level of Dragon's brooding had increased by 38%, the level of emotion he had portrayed (Currently of disgust and awe) had increased by a whopping 78%.

Meanwhile, the paper was slammed inside the drawer of one Captain Buggy, never to be seen in daylight ever again. Not only was the 'disguise' poor, it was such an eye-sore that Buggy's subordinates had to flee from it in broad daylight.

Throughout the world, _Pirates Weekly_ sold it's best selling copy of the year, and in terms of rankings, it was only third to the copy detailing Roger's execution and life; as well as the details of the Eleven Supernovas. Coincidentally, several copies were secreted to Marineford and the Marine's new base as 'entertainment material'

"Bwahaha! I think my birthday was a roaring success." Entirely ignorant of the controversy his outfit had ignited, Garp proceeded to plan his next outfit. Maybe he could use one of Ace's birthday present, an extremely frilly tunic with the Marine colour tie-dyed onto the cuffs? Combined with the lovely tie of tangy orange sent by Roger (meant as a gag gift)? Oh, and he should re-use Luffy's tutu for his sixty-seventh birthday? Ah, decisions, decisions.


End file.
